Dear Kirsten

By Kirsten Pick, Counsellor

Dear Kirsten,

My son goes to a lovely primary school. It is quite a small school with 2 classes per year, they really include the community, offer loads of after school activities. He has made very good friendships and the Year 6 pupils were always encouraged to help younger children. He knows a lot of the children and most of the teachers as they often continue teaching the same year groups.

Due to the lockdown he has missed a few months of school but managed to keep up with some of the work online. He has done alright academically so far. However, he gets very anxious in new situations and was meant to have a few transition days to his new secondary school.

The secondary school has nearly as many classes a year as his whole primary school had, he won’t know any of the teachers and is getting very worried about going. I don’t know how I can help him as I was terrified myself when I was that age.

Can you suggest anything?

Kind regards,

Emma

Dear Emma,

The current circumstances have probably exacerbated the anxiety around transferring into secondary school as well. It can be a difficult time to manage especially when leaving a lovely community-orientated school to going to a much bigger school.

It is often helpful to acknowledge the anxiety and worries your son is feeling, try to listen to his particular concerns, what is he worried about most? Although very tempting to ask if he is worried about friendships or getting lost, for example, it is best to encourage him to express his feelings with open questions. Even if he answers that he’s not sure you could ask him how he imagines his first day/ week/ year and create a story.

For example in the story, he is going on an adventure to a big castle. There are many paths he could take, what would happen if he takes the winding path? What happens if he takes the straight path? Who will he meet? What other obstacles might he face? Can he describe a character that can help him? How do they overcome the obstacles? What is the worst and best outcome?

Although the story is a metaphor, he is more able to voice some of his fears, you may recognise something and be able to provide some tools to overcome the obstacles. If it feels right you can relate the story to the transition into secondary school.

As he may be missing the transition days it might be helpful to ask at the primary school, who you can contact in the secondary school, and arrange for your son to visit. Things will be very different during the visit compared to the start in September, so also try and talk to him about that.

It sounds like you may experience some anxiety as well, so maybe doing some breathing exercises together might regulate your stress levels.

One easy to follow exercise is on: www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/ways-relieve-stress/

Wishing you both a wonderful summer with lots of fun to recharge ready for your new adventure.

All the best,

Kirsten

Save the Arts

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.”

– Pablo Picasso

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