Beyond Blue – Grief and Loss

When I talk about grief and loss, it almost feels like ‘home’ which may sound strange. However, I am only 41 years young and I have lost a total of 29 people in my life, to date. They are all close family members, bar my brother who is thankfully still alive and some friends. I lost a few friends recently to Covid-19 too so you can see, dear reader, that I have a lot of personal experience of death and the grieving process. It never gets any easier but you do learn, after a few losses, to accept it as a part of life. Loss and grief are standard practice and not something to avoid or fear. Easier said than done though right? Loss is painful and no one really wishes to have to endure and go through it, whatever your age and life experience. Every year, between five and nine percent of the population loses a close family member. This is not the only kind of loss that can cause grief. People also experience grief when they lose a job and income, they move house, go through a divorce, or when a relationship ends unexpectedly.

This pandemic has brought with it a lot of unexpected deaths, and upheaval for so many people, both nationally and globally. No one could have prepared themselves for this kind of loss and devastation on a global scale, so we must be kind to ourselves and healing. I believe, unlike going through the normal grieving process to heal from a loss, many will have to undergo counselling for PTSD post-COVID-19 to fully recover and heal mentally from their traumatic losses.

Grief is one thing, dear reader, as it is natural to feel pain, hurt, and possibly feelings of anger when you lose someone. Most people go through this as the normal grieving process. However, if the grief takes over the functioning of your life and you feel hopeless and worthless then it may be a sign of ‘reactive depression’ and not just a case of normal grief. If you feel this way then you may have to consider the possibility that you are dealing with depression as well as grief, and it may be time to discuss this with someone you trust. I personally have found that medication for ‘reactive depression’ is not the solution and that talking therapy works the best on a one to one level.

There is always something you can do to help yourself when you are struggling in life. Especially when it comes to a ‘loss’ of any kind,  I would highly recommend the following dear reader:

• Choose to talk to friends and or family about how you are feeling
• Make this a time for Self-care as a priority. Take care of your physical health, as the grieving process can be extremely exhausting. Choose to eat a healthy diet, exercise, and get good sleep as best you can.
• Monitor your stress and choose to manage it as best you can. Lighten your load by asking friends and family to be your ‘support network’ during this time of loss and grieving.
• Do things that you enjoy, especially when you don’t feel like doing them.
• Be brave! Do not be afraid to ask for help! Ask friends, family, or work colleagues to help you with some chores or commitments.

It can be a difficult time for many, to watch a loved one who is grieving. Did you know that the majority of people experiencing grief, do not know what to say or do? This is fairly normal when one is trying to comfort someone who is grieving dear reader. Here are a few things you can do, even though I personally feel it is the simple offer of your love and support that is the most important, at such a time:

• Ask the person who is grieving how they’re feeling on a daily basis. Take the time to actively listen and understand what they are going through.
• Try to talk about life in general as their loss and grief do not have to be the sole focus of all your conversations.
• Ask them how you can help. It may be shopping, going for a walk in nature together, preparing a few home-cooked meals for them or simply do something enjoyable with them.

All of the above can really help someone through grief. Even suggesting, or encouraging, them to seek professional support to aid their grief will be a great help to them.

The pandemic and Lockdown is an unprecedented situation in modern-day times. No one can gauge the full extent and impact that this situation is having on pupils’ mental health and wellbeing. For some, it would have been a safe and enjoyable ‘homeschooling’ situation. For others, the challenge and trauma of being at home full time may have been too much over the last 4 months. As a teacher myself, I know that I am used to supporting my vulnerable pupils through any challenges that they face in life. This pandemic amplifies those situations a thousand times over and this is my concern for all children educated within the United Kingdom and worldwide.

Both loss and bereavement will exist for many children during this pandemic. Many children and young people may have relatives, and or friends, who may have died during lockdown. This may be due to Coronavirus or for other reasons. Or they may have been made aware of someone who has been seriously unwell and as a result, hospitalised during lockdown. Those in lockdown may have experienced other ‘losses’. For example, parents who have lost their job, been furloughed, or they have experienced long-term isolation from grandparents who are important role models in their lives.

Irrespective of the type of loss, many children or young people will be experiencing loss with a sense of grief. It is important to realise and recognise that the way they respond to those feelings of loss and or grief, will differ widely. You may notice that your child is acting out of character as they seem sad or withdrawn. Others may notice their child appear anxious or angry. All are signs that children and young people are feeling a loss and are in grieving.

Many children and young people are likely to be feeling uncertain about the future given, all the sudden changes that lockdown imposed on us all globally. If you need any further help, practical tools, strategies, or just an informal chat, I can be contacted at www.lynnesnook.com Please feel free to make contact. The young people in your lives may have seen your own personal struggles on how to manage this pandemic crisis. They may need someone neutral, to have a 1:1, to help them to rebuild their own confidence, and to lift their mood. I am here to help you all as best I can dear reader. As the caring family that we are, here at ‘Lengro’, we are all in this for you! To help you all with all your individual needs! So get beyond the blue – One for all, and all for one”