Until the mid-20th century, most people died at home, with their family and friends surrounding them.
Death was an accepted part of everyday life but since that time the “western” relationship with death has changed so much. We live much longer and most elders die in a hospital, hospice, or residential care, rather than at home with the family. Now at the time of Covid I am having to help others pass gently where possible without being physically near them at times which is hard but not impossible to still give support and comfort . I train professional and family carers on ways to support those challenged with an end of life diagnosis. If you are a family carer we need to minimise the suffering of our loved one , be it physical, emotional or spiritual. We need to support them to have a loving, dignified and peaceful death wherever possible. Let us recognise that those who are ending their lives in the frailty of old age deserve the same care and attention as those who are beginning their lives in the vulnerability of infancy.
Imagination is one of our most powerful inner resources and using this power we can move away from fearful images, replacing them with loving and calming images.
When working with others in my role as a death doula, or soul companion I help the elder let go of their physical body with honour, gratitude and understanding for all that this body has allowed them to do. Some elders may have a sense of disgust for, or disappointment in, their body, feeling that it is letting them down. They may not like the way it looks, feels or smells. You can help them address this by acknowledging the gift that body has been in their lifetime. I do this by taking them through a body blessing ceremony.
I take their hands in mine and say…
Bless these wonderful hands, these hands that have given so much, shared so much, held and stroked your loved ones, and pets. Hands that have tended to your garden, cooked delicious meals, allowed you to paint, write, draw, connect. Bless these hands that have given you the gift of being able to make, create, feel, cherish and love. Bless these incredible beautiful hands.
Next I would go down to gently touch their feet and say…
Bless these amazing feet, these feet that have given you the ability to dance and run and jump. These feet that have carried you to loved ones, allowed you to explore this earth, feel the cool grass beneath them, the warm sand, and paddle in refreshing water. These feet that have given you the gift of travel, connection and freedom. Bless these beautiful feet.
Then I would go to gently touch their forehead and say…
Bless this extraordinary mind, this mind that has let you learn, absorb, read, teach and share so much knowledge. This mind that has helped and influenced the minds of others and problem solved and found solutions. Bless the gift of your mind that has passed on so much understanding to others.
Next I would lightly let my hand hover over their heart, not touching this time and say…
Bless this amazing heart, this heart that has felt so much, loved so much, shared so much, healed so much, held so much, bless this incredible beautiful heart.
Finally I would go back to holding their hands and saying…
Bless your whole physical being for the journey you have taken together and with gratitude to your physical form we can gently say let go, let go, let go.
You may be more comfortable with just holding that elder’s hands and saying simply, “What a gift these hands have been to others, how much love they have given, isn’t that wonderful”.
One way you can help the person close to death relieve their anxiety is to use the power of imagery to help them create a peaceful journey to a place where they can imagine resting after death. Imagination is one of our most powerful inner resources and using this power we can move away from fearful images, replacing them with loving and calming images. Guided imagery can be an effective and comforting tool for decreasing fear, anxiety and pain. It is something I use often with the dying; as I take them on the mental journey I can see elders following their imagination and pacifying their fears. In my next article I will share how to do this with others and in my new book BEING A GOOD CARER I cover many ways to support those with Dementia, those at End of Life and powerful ways to support your self. I also provide a beautiful recording of my guided meditations and work and music to support you and your loved ones at this time . To PRE ORDER either please email me direct at mail@amandawaring.com
For more information and to book my services and trainings please see my website www. theheartofcare.co.uk and www.amandawaringcelebrant.com